love makes seman taste better
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
