like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
