when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
People in love make me want to vomit
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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