people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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