if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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