i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
