He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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