took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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