and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
