I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
