the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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