I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
