Yo dont text me then not text me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
