This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
