I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
