i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
