please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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