do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
