Swine flu. Run for my life!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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