Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
