So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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