Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
