Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
