You made me cry and you don't even care
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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