it was like eating out sand paper
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
