the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i came on her dog
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
