Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
