That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
