she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
