he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
