So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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