I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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