I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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