My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
