I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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