is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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