I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
