I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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