Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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