The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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