I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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