Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
