Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
