Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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