so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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