Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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