4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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