No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
