How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
