At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
