I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
