Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
