you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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