Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
