Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was born a porn star she said
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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