I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
