And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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