She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
