I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
