Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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