I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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