you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
