Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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