she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
