Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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