So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
