I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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