like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
