did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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