so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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