I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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