Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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