So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
